Accepting Help with Grace
Yesterday wasn't too bad. There were a few times when my children were fussing and I thought, "You're father has only been gone a few hours and I'm already counting down to when he is back." But after sending the child to the bathroom and/or giving him/her something to eat that child's disposition changed miraculously. It's amazing what a little trip to the potty or a little food to the system will do to a person. Low blood sugar makes for a very cranky little one.
Bedtime went really smoothly. Baths were given, jammies were on, teeth were brushed, prayers were said, and a book was read. Then I left them in their room. It was sweet to hear them chatter to each other from their beds. It wasn't too loud and it sounded like friendly conversation. From what I could hear no one got out of bed and eventually within a half hour all was quiet.
I, however ready I was for bed could not fall asleep. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep sometime after midnight. Hopefully tonight will be better.
I spoke to Hubby before turning in. He's doing fine. He's got a lot of work to do and he's got a bit of a cold. Working and traveling will only make it worse and I expect that he'll sleep most of Friday to recuperate. Buggy kept saying, "Daddy at work? Daddy home? Daddy at work?" Boogie having gotten used to Hubby's travels didn't really say much or fuss. Though he told me he didn't need a bath and he'll just wait until Daddy gets home. I finally convinced him to get a bath and he did just fine.
With Hubby's work travel and both of us trying to ignore the fact that I'm so far along, I've been avoiding the final preparations for baby. One of my SILs called last week to check on me and then offered to come down this week to give me a hand with some of the preparation. One of the nice things about having a big family is that everyone helps each other. Whether it's moving, painting, childcare, or helping to get ready for baby. Fortunately, there's no score card and you give of your time when you are able.
I am so grateful that she and another SIL are willing to give me a hand. It's one of those things that I wish for (someone to help) but never have the nerve to ask. One of things that has been bothering me is the basement storage. It's where we keep all of the children's clothes in case we have more children, my school supplies/books from when I taught, grad school stuff, etc. Over the last 3 years it's become a dumping ground. And while we rarely go in there for anything, and no one sees it, it's like a shadow that lurks and it bothers me. I would love to get it organized so that I can store or retrieve the children's clothing without breaking my neck. For some reason I feel this need (nesting?) to get it cleaned and organized before Baby arrives. Is it a priority? Absolutely not, but for some reason it has to be tackled for me to have some peace of mind. There are plenty of other things to be done. But those things, I know that I can do. But this is one thing that I just can't do by myself. I literally open the door to the storage room. look around and sigh and close it again. It's bad. Someday I would love to make it an office/crafting room.
As much as I appreciate and want the help, I have a hard time accepting it. It actually stresses me out to think about what needs to be done, to organize and prioritize where the helps needs to go, and to accept that I couldn't do xyz by myself. It is really hard for me to say, "Yes, I need your help. Yes, I would love for you to do this with/for me." I've had to do a lot of that this pregnancy. It's really hard for me when I'd like to think of myself as independent. But of course when I try to be independent, I just frustrate my family and friends who are working so hard to help me. So I have had to learn (and am still learning) to accept help with grace. But I'm a bit thick, and it's not an easy thing. I guess it's pride. I'd like to think I have everything under control and to think that I can't and don't is hard. But, maybe learning to accept graciously will teach me to have more patience with myself.
But flip the coin and if someone asked for my help, I'd happily do it. Make a meal, help organize a room, clean a house, watch someone's child, I would do it. I think I need to give myself a break and know that the help that is being given is given with love and without judgement. The only one judging me is me. Hmmmmm, something to think about.
This week's lesson? Accepting help with grace. Let's see if I can do it.