Buggy started school this week. Today she went to her last first day of preschool. She has been so nervous. Last year she screamed all the way down the hall to her preschool classroom. I was hoping we would not have a repeat this year. She was especially nervous because she was attending a new school and would have to make new friends and meet new teachers. Even though I knew that this was God's providence is providing the right school for us this year, I am human and every now and again doubted my decision. Especially when she got a post card from the new teacher at her old school. We loved Mrs. T., but I also knew that the old school was no longer a good fit for us for a variety of reasons.
However, God is God and knows that we have doubts. So when we showed up for the preschool play date and ran into 4 or 5 families we knew, I knew it was the right choice. When she skipped to her classroom and barely glanced back after she entered the doorway, I knew it was the right choice. Seeing her happy face at the end of the day, I knew it was the right choice.
My Buggy is a tall girl and takes on a lot of responsibility, especially with her baby brother. She mothers him and loves on him and is my right hand. Sometimes I do forget that she is only 4 years old. She acts and carries herself like an older child, most of the time. And then I see the anxiety on her face when we talk about starting at a new school and I see that she is still little. I see her skip from destination to destination, and I realize she is still little. When she cuddles up with her favorite blanket and puts her thumb in her mouth, I realize she is still little.
Yesterday, we went to an open house for the preschool. She was nervous about meeting her new teacher. Anytime someone spoke to her she would face me, slump her shoulders, and sort of whimper. It was really sad. Bananas, on the other hand, had no trouble asserting himself and went to play with the big kids and the preschool toys. After going to the open house we had to go to the mall and return her light-up shoes for shoes that wouldn't hurt her feet. It was not on my list of things to do yesterday, but after complaining that her feet hurt on the way to take Boogie to school and then hanging out in the stroller for the walk back, I realized we had to return the shoes. She wore them for about 10 minutes total. She now has her first pair of "tie" shoes. Oh, boy!
Between meeting her new teacher, attending the preschool open house, and getting new shoes. My poor girl fell asleep in the van on the way home. She was so exhausted she fell asleep before noon. Another reminder, she is still little.
This morning I went to the gym before the house woke up. When I came home, I heard murmured voices upstairs. I realized that one of the children had woken up. It was Buggy. And I could hear her tiny four year old lispy voice talking to her daddy. And I was reminded, she is still little. I could not hear their conversation, but it was sweet to come home and hear their voices together in conversation.
Today, I dropped off my big little girl to her last first day of preschool. As she skipped to her classroom in her new purple shoes with laces, and her hair swinging side to side, I saw she was still little. And I am grateful.