Last Sunday, Bam Bam turned 9 weeks old. That same day Hubby had to leave for a week on business. I'd like to say that I finally put on the "big girl" pants and handled myself just fine that week. I mean really, I'm an adult, I should be able to handle 3 children on my own. I do it on a daily basis anyway...just because Hubby is gone at night, does not mean I should not be able to do it on my own.
Um, yeah, right. I keep forgetting that lack of sleep comes with having a newborn. If it weren't for my parents, my best friend, and my sister-in-law coming to visit at various times during the week I think the week would have been that much tougher. I held it together until Wednesday, which is about par for the course. It helped that on Sunday and Tuesday nights my parents provided dinner and then bathed the big kids. They even tucked in and said prayers with them while I nursed the baby. During the day on Tuesday my BFF came over, provided lunch, and provided me some much needed adult time where talked about a ton of stuff and caught up (Thanks, J!) Unfortunately, on Wednesday, I lost my "big girl" pants. I think I lost them sometime around the time Buggy decided to start peeing on the floor. And no, it wasn't an "oops," it was "I see you're nursing the baby and can't give me attention so I'm going to make you give me attention." By the third time I was done. I was completely exhausted from the lack of sleep (I can't swaddle worth a darn and the baby loves being swaddled. Every time he broke out of his swaddle he would wake up. We both slept poorly last week) and irritated with her attention getting antics.
I called Hubby after the kids went down for the night and I hate to admit it, but I was crying. I sobbed on the phone about the unfairness of being left alone with 3 kids and with one of them being an infant. I sobbed about the difficulty of potty-training and trying to get things done. I sobbed about the lack of sleep. In all honesty, the baby was a dream except for not sleeping at night. Boogie was pretty good most of the time. It was my darling middle child. But I should clarify that I found out after the fact that she had another ear infection, she was getting in her 2 year old molars, she's potty-training, she was missing her daddy, and she's still trying to figure out where she fits in the world. Plus I had spent the previous two weeks pretty much trapped in the house with the kids because Buggy had a stomach bug and the following week, Boogie got it. And then Hubby was gone. I kind of felt trapped for 3 weeks.
After a healthy cry and some ranting, things looked up on Thursday. It helped tremendously that my SIL came over for a playdate and I was able to vent and share my misgivings about how I handled Buggy the previous day. She gave me a few suggestions and listened. She also gave me 30 minutes to myself when she watched Buggy and Bam Bam when I picked up Boogie from school. It was the first time I had been completely alone for days and it was nice to have that time to be by myself (Thanks, L!)
It was completely unfair for me to call my husband and rant. There was nothing he could do. He was hundreds of miles away and he had to go for his job. And his job allows me to stay home with the kids.
I just wish it was easier when he was gone...now to find those "big girl" pants again...