Yesterday is Heavy

Put it down

Yesterday is heavy. Put it down.

I don’t know who originally said these words (and if you do, kindly tell me). But I felt it down to the depths of my soul. Maybe you needed to read these words, too: Yesterday is heavy. Put it down.

I feel like I have been carrying the weight of 6 months of yesterdays. I keep stacking them one on top of the other. Despite the weight, I’m feeling untethered, floating from one crisis to the next and accumulating the yesterdays. I’m unable to part with them and it’s holding me down as if I’m drowning.

My emotions are big right now. So damn big. My heart is heavy. So very heavy.

And I want nothing more than to put down the last 6 months of yesterdays.

I want to put down the fear that my cancer isn’t going to go away.

I want to put down the anger when the governor announced mere days before the start of the school year that school doors should be open; despite the teachers putting in the hard work to start school virtually.

I want to put down the hurt from the last two years of a crumbling friendship.

I want to put down my frustration (and that is not a strong enough word. Maybe it’s rage. I’m enraged, and that still doesn’t feel like a strong enough emotion) of watching, yet again, another black man shot in the back by police.

I want to put down my grief, my sorrow, my hurt, my pain.

Yes, yesterday is heavy. Put.It.Down.

You cannot carry the weight of all of those yesterdays. Neither can I.

There are things you are going to regret; be they the decisions you made, words you said, or actions that you performed. Put them down.

Don’t carry with you the worry of yesterday. Put it down.

Don’t let someone else’s actions or words define you. Put it down.

Those thoughts that are weighing on you? Put it down.

What are you carrying? Is there anyone who can share the load? In the meantime, put it down.

What you can you set down? Is it regret? Is it grief? Put it all down for a moment. Sometimes grief is a load that we will carry for the rest of our lives. Unable to put it down, sometimes we need a friend to help us carry the load. It’s okay to ask, to share, to tell them I need help.

You don’t need to carry everything. You don’t. Stop, put it down.

Carry the good work of social justice. But that can get heavy, too. Put it down. You aren’t Atlas. The weight of the world does not belong to you. When you have filled up your tank, continue doing good.

The best gift we can give ourselves is forgiveness and the ability to let go.

What can you let go of now? What can you do to put down yesterday?

I urge you to do it, to find yourself and connect with others.

Find your peace in the solitude or in the connection with others.

Carry the love of your friends and family.

Carry shared joy.

Find yourself. Fill up your tank.

Put down your yesterdays.